One of the reasons I started this blog two years ago was because I wanted other moms to know they aren't the only ones who struggled with motherhood. I was going through a rough time with my youngest son and I felt frustrated and alone in the daily battles that I faced. It has been a privilege to stay at home with my boys and I am grateful for that blessing. But even blessings can sometimes come packaged in sacrifice and humility. Staying at home and serving the needs of another does not come natural for me. (Yes, that means I'm naturally selfish) When my second child came along I didn't expect him to have issues. So when he started exhibiting symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) I was blindsided. Before his diagnosis, I had no idea that his biting, kicking, spitting and constant fussing could be explained and corrected. And so I just kept believing it was all my fault. I must've done something wrong. My consistent disciplining was not working. Everything I tried with my first son was useless with my second child. Andrew's behavior was beyond just the "terrible twos" and I knew something had to be done. That's when I got on my knees and begged God for help; a prayer He faithfully answered. Thank God for Kidsource Therapy and the team of therapists that worked with Andrew. It was such an answer to prayer and he has come such a long way!
Even though I was getting help for Andrew, I was still feeling alone and friend-less. I can still remember it vividly, the looks from other moms at Andrew's Mother's Day Out. I was now the mother of the "biter". Not many moms want to have play dates with a kid who bites and his mom who can't get him under control. I often picked him up from school and left in tears. It was a dark time in my journey as a mom. Sometimes when you're in a dark season of life, it can start to seem as if everyone else has it all together. Deep down I knew not everyone "had it all together", but it sure seemed like I was inferior in my mothering abilities. I would look around at other women in my church, my kids' school, or even the grocery store and secretly wonder how they did it. How did they hold a full time job, raise three kids and on the side acquire a Master's Degree? I was barely holding it together and these "Supermoms" were flying around wearing a cape, holding a diploma in one hand and a diaper in the other. God bless these women. The world needs them! But there had to be other moms just like me and I felt it in my heart that something needed to be done to reach these women. Since that time, over the past two years, God has shown me that I am indeed NOT the only one who has had this struggle. I have heard many stories from other women about their struggles with motherhood and feelings of isolation and loneliness. Women are experiencing a lack of authentic friendships. There's a disconnect somewhere and it begins with a lack of authenticity. What are we accomplishing by being "perfect" in the eyes of others? How can we expect to really change lives if we're constantly maintaining our spotless self-image? I'm still working on this. Honestly, it's hard for me to even write these blog posts. It's no fun to bring all this back up and publish it for everyone to see. But I do it for the woman who's reading this with tears in her eyes and taking comfort in knowing there's someone out there who has walked a similar path.
Let's be honest, "Supermom" is just a myth
(although some of you moms come pretty close!!). She only exists in our
imagination. She's a lofty expectation we strive to attain but she
always evades us. Let us never forget that we're not called to be
perfect, we're called to be authentic. "But [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
(1 Corinthians 12:9)
If you don't get anything else out of my ramblings, please remember this: us moms need each other. Being a mom means being responsible for another human being's physical, mental, and spiritual well being. That's a lot of pressure! We weren't designed to do this alone. We were created to be in community with one another. We should be willing to carry one another's burdens. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
journey through the toil
It's summer time and everyday I fight the temptation to let my boys zone out in front of the computer or television. So, after a lot of coffee this morning I decided to get my boys outside and do a little gardening with them. And I do mean a little gardening. Is it really even gardening if your husband already did the prep work? But moving on...it started off with me telling the boys about my plan for planting beans. I had envisioned them smiling and reacting with joyful enthusiasm. Okay, that might be a little optimistic, but my boys really do love to garden so I expected they'd be somewhat excited. Instead, my youngest wanted to run in circles in the living room and my oldest acted indifferent to the idea. Hmmm...
Already, this wasn't going how I pictured it would in my mind. I guess I had hoped we would gather around the garden together and laugh while we dig in the fresh dirt, all the while I would be sharing motherly wisdom about life. If only it actually ever worked out that way. I then decided that their indifference was okay. I would just head out with my gardening tools and hope they would follow. My oldest joined me as I figured he would. It was fun for maybe five minutes until the mosquitoes decided they were hungry for the Legate breakfast buffet that featured me and Isaac as the main course. On top of that there were gross white bugs that had infested the garden soil. Ugh.
As I watched my itchy little boy head for the house, I couldn't help but feel disappointed for him and for myself. This whole gardening thing had gone differently in my mind. I was frustrated that even the simple little things in life can easily turn to disappointment. Add the little disappointments to the big disappointments, and one can easily start to feel frustrated. I was determined to complete this planting fiasco, despite the gross white bugs in the soil and the itchy bites that now covered my legs. As I was left alone with the garden and the mosquitoes I began to think about how this world really is cursed. From the little things in life to the big things in life, so much can go wrong. I pulled at the relentless weeds coming up around the tomato plants; a reminder of the story of the fall of human kind in Genesis. To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat from it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life."
Clearly, this is not our home. Sometimes this fact is painfully obvious to us. There are times we feel like a foreigner in this land and we scream in our hearts, "Why is this so hard!?". Other times we feel too at home here, sheltered from the storms of life. Too often we forget that God gave us each other for a reason; to encourage one another through the "painful toil". Community is so important. There are real people in our community, families, and churches who are drowning in disappointments and sorrows, too afraid to show their true burdens. They walk around with the mask of perfection firmly fastened, pretending to be unaffected by the painful toil in this life. (I know this because I used to be one of them.) And who can blame them? The pain of rejection and fear of being judged has shut the mouths and hearts of hurting people. This will be something I mention in my next post because it's a real problem in the church today and something I'm passionate about.
Mosquitoes and weeds in my garden are the least of my trials in life. The weeds I fight the most are not in my garden but in my marriage, my family, and friendships. I toil in these "gardens" every single day. And my whole reason for this blog is to show you that you are not alone in your toil. I am not perfect. None of us are perfect. And we need to be okay with that; with being perfectly imperfect. Does this mean we should be okay with living a sinful lifestyle? Never. Because that's not what God wants for us. He wants us to strive for holiness. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship." (Romans 12:1) But we don't get there by pretending. We get there by taking off our masks and letting God use our stories of how we've journeyed through the painful toil.
"...for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." (1 John 5:4-5)
Already, this wasn't going how I pictured it would in my mind. I guess I had hoped we would gather around the garden together and laugh while we dig in the fresh dirt, all the while I would be sharing motherly wisdom about life. If only it actually ever worked out that way. I then decided that their indifference was okay. I would just head out with my gardening tools and hope they would follow. My oldest joined me as I figured he would. It was fun for maybe five minutes until the mosquitoes decided they were hungry for the Legate breakfast buffet that featured me and Isaac as the main course. On top of that there were gross white bugs that had infested the garden soil. Ugh.
As I watched my itchy little boy head for the house, I couldn't help but feel disappointed for him and for myself. This whole gardening thing had gone differently in my mind. I was frustrated that even the simple little things in life can easily turn to disappointment. Add the little disappointments to the big disappointments, and one can easily start to feel frustrated. I was determined to complete this planting fiasco, despite the gross white bugs in the soil and the itchy bites that now covered my legs. As I was left alone with the garden and the mosquitoes I began to think about how this world really is cursed. From the little things in life to the big things in life, so much can go wrong. I pulled at the relentless weeds coming up around the tomato plants; a reminder of the story of the fall of human kind in Genesis. To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat from it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life."
Clearly, this is not our home. Sometimes this fact is painfully obvious to us. There are times we feel like a foreigner in this land and we scream in our hearts, "Why is this so hard!?". Other times we feel too at home here, sheltered from the storms of life. Too often we forget that God gave us each other for a reason; to encourage one another through the "painful toil". Community is so important. There are real people in our community, families, and churches who are drowning in disappointments and sorrows, too afraid to show their true burdens. They walk around with the mask of perfection firmly fastened, pretending to be unaffected by the painful toil in this life. (I know this because I used to be one of them.) And who can blame them? The pain of rejection and fear of being judged has shut the mouths and hearts of hurting people. This will be something I mention in my next post because it's a real problem in the church today and something I'm passionate about.
Mosquitoes and weeds in my garden are the least of my trials in life. The weeds I fight the most are not in my garden but in my marriage, my family, and friendships. I toil in these "gardens" every single day. And my whole reason for this blog is to show you that you are not alone in your toil. I am not perfect. None of us are perfect. And we need to be okay with that; with being perfectly imperfect. Does this mean we should be okay with living a sinful lifestyle? Never. Because that's not what God wants for us. He wants us to strive for holiness. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship." (Romans 12:1) But we don't get there by pretending. We get there by taking off our masks and letting God use our stories of how we've journeyed through the painful toil.
"...for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." (1 John 5:4-5)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
giving our best
So it turns out I'm the worst "blogger" ever. I'm okay with that. I'm learning to be okay with all the things I'm not good at. It has been a long time since I posted on here; a seriously long time. Why is that? It's mostly because I'm a busy wife and mom. Honestly, I don't know how all the other blog moms do it with the regular blog posts and pictures to go along with it. I think you're amazing and I salute you!
What have you been neglecting lately that you wish you could spend more time on? I think as a culture what we neglect the most is our family. Our spouses, children, parents, etc. are feeling busy but alone in a world of technology and over stimulation. I look around and see marriages dissolving and kids out of control. None of us have this life completely figured out and no one is perfect at parenting or family life, however, I have to ask one important question. Are we giving it our best? I mean REALLY giving it our all? I confess, I fail at this more than I'd like to admit.
I've made it a habit to check on my kids every night after they fall asleep. I use this time to pray for them, to reflect on what I've done right or wrong in my parenting that day, and to ask God to forgive me where I have failed. I ask Him to watch over these precious creations and to give me wisdom in my parenting. I confess that most days I am humbled by my failures and lack of effort. I end up asking God for forgiveness and grace to face the next day. In those moments I realize the battle we face as parents. Our families are a precious thing. I want you to reflect on that. Stop and really let that soak in. Family. It's powerful. When a mom and a dad are serving God and loving their children, so much good comes from that. We are able to overcome many things when the family is healthy and whole. Not only do we benefit, but our society benefits. Our children grow up with a solid foundation, an accurate picture of what a family looks like, and a sense of security just to name a few. And the hope is that this is passed on to future generations. We all want these things for our kids, but this doesn't just happen. We have to invest in our families much like we invest in our careers. If you're serious about your career, you're not just going to quit when it gets tough. No, you persevere and fight to climb the corporate ladder in hopes of a reward. What if we all fight with similar passion to keep our families together and healthy? Anything in life worth having requires hard work and sacrifice. It's no different with our children and family.
We'll never be perfect while on this earth but we can still give our best. Are you giving your best? I challenge you (and myself) to look to the Author of our days, Jesus Christ, for strength and guidance on how to love our families more. My prayer for you is that you would fight for them. Step into the battle every day and never ever give up. Grace and peace to you!
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
What have you been neglecting lately that you wish you could spend more time on? I think as a culture what we neglect the most is our family. Our spouses, children, parents, etc. are feeling busy but alone in a world of technology and over stimulation. I look around and see marriages dissolving and kids out of control. None of us have this life completely figured out and no one is perfect at parenting or family life, however, I have to ask one important question. Are we giving it our best? I mean REALLY giving it our all? I confess, I fail at this more than I'd like to admit.
I've made it a habit to check on my kids every night after they fall asleep. I use this time to pray for them, to reflect on what I've done right or wrong in my parenting that day, and to ask God to forgive me where I have failed. I ask Him to watch over these precious creations and to give me wisdom in my parenting. I confess that most days I am humbled by my failures and lack of effort. I end up asking God for forgiveness and grace to face the next day. In those moments I realize the battle we face as parents. Our families are a precious thing. I want you to reflect on that. Stop and really let that soak in. Family. It's powerful. When a mom and a dad are serving God and loving their children, so much good comes from that. We are able to overcome many things when the family is healthy and whole. Not only do we benefit, but our society benefits. Our children grow up with a solid foundation, an accurate picture of what a family looks like, and a sense of security just to name a few. And the hope is that this is passed on to future generations. We all want these things for our kids, but this doesn't just happen. We have to invest in our families much like we invest in our careers. If you're serious about your career, you're not just going to quit when it gets tough. No, you persevere and fight to climb the corporate ladder in hopes of a reward. What if we all fight with similar passion to keep our families together and healthy? Anything in life worth having requires hard work and sacrifice. It's no different with our children and family.
We'll never be perfect while on this earth but we can still give our best. Are you giving your best? I challenge you (and myself) to look to the Author of our days, Jesus Christ, for strength and guidance on how to love our families more. My prayer for you is that you would fight for them. Step into the battle every day and never ever give up. Grace and peace to you!
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
brokenness = a new perspective
Broken….boy have I been broken. That is what humbled me into changing my perspective. I'm now less judgmental, less selfish, more loving, and dare I say….tougher! Am I bragging on myself? No, because it's not me but Christ living in me. It's only possible when I stay connected to Him (John 15:4). When I do things with my own effort then I find myself slipping into my old ways of thinking and then I'm back to being judgmental, selfish, less loving, and irritable. But, back to brokenness. I'm going to step out of my comfort zone a little and show you my heart. My heart is for the broken of this world because I know how it feels to be utterly broken. There are those people in my life who know what I've been through, but only God knows ALL that I've been through. It is amazing to look back and see the incredible work God has done. God the Father is a Master Mosaic Maker. He has taken all these ugly broken pieces of my life and turned them into something beautiful. It's what he does. He makes all things new. And only He can do it. I have literally seen this verse lived out in my life...
"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
It's not me who is able to do this but God working in me that even makes this miracle possible. And it is not an exaggeration to say it's a miracle. As I write this I feel inadequate to explain to you all Christ has done for me, but I shall try. I could name the many things I've suffered but that's not my focus. Suffice it say I've cried many tears; from losing loved ones, to being rejected & betrayed by those who are supposed to love me most, to parenting struggles, to sitting in a doctor's office waiting for test results; just to name a few. If you are breathing, you can relate. Because we all suffer on some level, and if you haven't suffered, you will. I say that not to be negative, but so that when the trials come, you will lift your eyes to the only hope we have in this broken world and that is Christ. He doesn't make our problems magically disappear. He doesn't always give us what we want. And sometimes you wonder if He's even there. In those moments when I am looking up to God and saying, "Really? Come on!" I have to CHOOSE to believe in Him and trust Him. And after that is when He honors me for that choice. After that comes the tidal wave of joy and confirmation that He is there, He does love me, and I do belong to Him. He always honors us when we choose to believe and trust. On your hardest, darkest, most lonely day, I encourage you to choose Him. It is a choice. I could have chosen differently and I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I had not made the choice to trust in Christ. Would I have even survived? I am certain of one thing, even if I would've survived, I know I would be depressed and miserable, stumbling around in darkness, making poor choices and suffering from the consequences of those choices. But praise God that's not how my story turned out! Instead I have JOY!!
I realize there are those of you reading this thinking that Christianity is my coping mechanism. I completely understand your point of view. However, I challenge you to search your heart & mind right now and think of what gives you joy. What is your identity? If you lost your job, your possessions, your loved ones, your beauty; how would you make sense of it? Who would you turn to? God says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) He also says that NOTHING can separate us from Him (Romans 8:38)!! It's supernatural. You just can't understand it, until you've received it. And you can't receive it until you ask for it. I know I sound like a religious nut to some, but those who have the Holy Spirit know just what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the gospel. The "good news"!! If you haven't chosen to trust in Christ and follow Him, I would love to talk with you about that. Message me. I welcome your questions. You're reading this for a reason and God has placed me here as His ambassador to you (2 Corinthians 5:20). I am here to love you! I could go into a long explanation of salvation but to put it simply, we have all sinned. Remember the old saying, "Nobody's perfect"? That is why Christ died. Because we are sinful. Even if you are the most moral person on the face of the earth, your heart would eventually fail you in that you would become proud. And pride is sin. We just can't escape sin. Christ became sin for us. He took the punishment. And Christ is the ONLY way to the Father (John 14:6).
So there it is!! That is how I gained my new perspective. It didn't happen overnight. It was a process. Be patient with yourself and let God do what he does best….which is transform us, sanctify us, to be more like Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18).
For my brothers & sisters in Christ who are struggling or suffering. Remember this, you are not alone. God will never leave you or forsake you. And whatever it is that He has been doing in your life, he will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6). I would love to pray for you. For now, I leave you with this prayer/Scripture:
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 4:14-21
Be blessed and much love to you all!!
"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
It's not me who is able to do this but God working in me that even makes this miracle possible. And it is not an exaggeration to say it's a miracle. As I write this I feel inadequate to explain to you all Christ has done for me, but I shall try. I could name the many things I've suffered but that's not my focus. Suffice it say I've cried many tears; from losing loved ones, to being rejected & betrayed by those who are supposed to love me most, to parenting struggles, to sitting in a doctor's office waiting for test results; just to name a few. If you are breathing, you can relate. Because we all suffer on some level, and if you haven't suffered, you will. I say that not to be negative, but so that when the trials come, you will lift your eyes to the only hope we have in this broken world and that is Christ. He doesn't make our problems magically disappear. He doesn't always give us what we want. And sometimes you wonder if He's even there. In those moments when I am looking up to God and saying, "Really? Come on!" I have to CHOOSE to believe in Him and trust Him. And after that is when He honors me for that choice. After that comes the tidal wave of joy and confirmation that He is there, He does love me, and I do belong to Him. He always honors us when we choose to believe and trust. On your hardest, darkest, most lonely day, I encourage you to choose Him. It is a choice. I could have chosen differently and I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I had not made the choice to trust in Christ. Would I have even survived? I am certain of one thing, even if I would've survived, I know I would be depressed and miserable, stumbling around in darkness, making poor choices and suffering from the consequences of those choices. But praise God that's not how my story turned out! Instead I have JOY!!
I realize there are those of you reading this thinking that Christianity is my coping mechanism. I completely understand your point of view. However, I challenge you to search your heart & mind right now and think of what gives you joy. What is your identity? If you lost your job, your possessions, your loved ones, your beauty; how would you make sense of it? Who would you turn to? God says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) He also says that NOTHING can separate us from Him (Romans 8:38)!! It's supernatural. You just can't understand it, until you've received it. And you can't receive it until you ask for it. I know I sound like a religious nut to some, but those who have the Holy Spirit know just what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the gospel. The "good news"!! If you haven't chosen to trust in Christ and follow Him, I would love to talk with you about that. Message me. I welcome your questions. You're reading this for a reason and God has placed me here as His ambassador to you (2 Corinthians 5:20). I am here to love you! I could go into a long explanation of salvation but to put it simply, we have all sinned. Remember the old saying, "Nobody's perfect"? That is why Christ died. Because we are sinful. Even if you are the most moral person on the face of the earth, your heart would eventually fail you in that you would become proud. And pride is sin. We just can't escape sin. Christ became sin for us. He took the punishment. And Christ is the ONLY way to the Father (John 14:6).
So there it is!! That is how I gained my new perspective. It didn't happen overnight. It was a process. Be patient with yourself and let God do what he does best….which is transform us, sanctify us, to be more like Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18).
For my brothers & sisters in Christ who are struggling or suffering. Remember this, you are not alone. God will never leave you or forsake you. And whatever it is that He has been doing in your life, he will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6). I would love to pray for you. For now, I leave you with this prayer/Scripture:
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 4:14-21
Be blessed and much love to you all!!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Ever feel like you're the ONLY one?
You are not alone! I think one of Satan's strategies is to get us to think that we are the only ones going through whatever it is we're going through. One thing I've learned about this…you are NEVER the only one. No matter how strange or unique the situation may feel at the time, there is always someone out there who has gone through or is currently going through your same situation. I experienced this a lot when my two boys were babies. For some reason I got it in my head that I was flawed as a mother and as a human being for thinking that motherhood was not for me. Some days were so hard for me that if there had been a "QUIT" button, I would've hit that sucker!! Of course, my feeling that way had a lot to do with my maturity level at the time, but that's another post. Looking back on it I have learned that I needed to give myself more grace, especially considering the crazy trials I was living through at that time (yet again, another post!). Let's face it: Motherhood is hard. Life is hard. And we are flawed human beings. Things got a lot easier for me the day I got on my knees and cried out to God to give me wisdom; to have mercy on me and to grow me into the best mother I can be. I can honestly say He has answered that prayer. It changed my life. Christ has changed me, sanctified me, through my kids. It's been the hardest time of my life, but I'm so grateful for how God has refined me and made me into something more beautiful. I now enjoy motherhood because my perspective is different. More on that new perspective in my next post! Stay tuned...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Confession: I'm perFectly iMperfect
As a recovering perfectionist I am currently struggling with {not} creating the perfect post. So here it goes...I have had the greatest week in a long time since I have realized that I can let go of this idea that I have to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, etc. I'm not completely sure how this happened. I think I finally got really tired of being so hard on myself. It's exhausting being your own critic. I think God is calling me to humility and something greater in Him. I'm finally responding! Then it occurred to me there are most likely LOTS of other women and moms out there feeling isolated and less than perfect. Feeling like they're the only ones tired of being a stay-at-home mom, thinking if they have to see the inside of Walmart one more time they might just lose their mind, thinking if I play with any more play-dough or watch Dora & Diego one more time I'm gonna completely lose it!! If you can't relate, that's great. Just know I'm sincerely happy for you and a little jealous. For me, staying home with two young children is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. (Of course my youngest feels like he should count as two, so it actually feels like there's three.) I have learned just how selfish I can be. Every day is a choice to let go of what I want and focus on these two precious kids and my husband. I have days where I have to force a smile when my oldest asks me to play Candy Land...again. I wonder if it's obvious that I'm having a kind of tantrum of my own when my youngest (he's 2) asks for deedee (his word for drink) for the one MILLIONTH time! I even want to snap at the cat for meowing at me for food when he clearly has a few more crumbs he could be eating in that bowl. So there it is, I'm not the perfect mom. Honesty; it's a beautiful and scary thing. If you can relate to any of this, then take comfort in knowing you're in good company! And take even greater comfort in knowing we serve a God who sympathizes with our weakness (Hebrews 4:15)!!
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