Thursday, July 11, 2013

"supermom" is a myth

One of the reasons I started this blog two years ago was because I wanted other moms to know they aren't the only ones who struggled with motherhood. I was going through a rough time with my youngest son and I felt frustrated and alone in the daily battles that I faced. It has been a privilege to stay at home with my boys and I am grateful for that blessing. But even blessings can sometimes come packaged in sacrifice and humility. Staying at home and serving the needs of another does not come natural for me. (Yes, that means I'm naturally selfish) When my second child came along I didn't expect him to have issues. So when he started exhibiting symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) I was blindsided. Before his diagnosis, I had no idea that his biting, kicking, spitting and constant fussing could be explained and corrected. And so I just kept believing it was all my fault. I must've done something wrong. My consistent disciplining was not working. Everything I tried with my first son was useless with my second child. Andrew's behavior was beyond just the "terrible twos" and I knew something had to be done. That's when I got on my knees and begged God for help; a prayer He faithfully answered. Thank God for Kidsource Therapy and the team of therapists that worked with Andrew. It was such an answer to prayer and he has come such a long way!

Even though I was getting help for Andrew, I was still feeling alone and friend-less. I can still remember it vividly, the looks from other moms at Andrew's Mother's Day Out. I was now the mother of the "biter". Not many moms want to have play dates with a kid who bites and his mom who can't get him under control. I often picked him up from school and left in tears. It was a dark time in my journey as a mom. Sometimes when you're in a dark season of life, it can start to seem as if everyone else has it all together. Deep down I knew not everyone "had it all together", but it sure seemed like I was inferior in my mothering abilities. I would look around at other women in my church, my kids' school, or even the grocery store and secretly wonder how they did it. How did they hold a full time job, raise three kids and on the side acquire a Master's Degree? I was barely holding it together and these "Supermoms" were flying around wearing a cape, holding a diploma in one hand and a diaper in the other. God bless these women. The world needs them! But there had to be other moms just like me and I felt it in my heart that something needed to be done to reach these women. Since that time, over the past two years, God has shown me that I am indeed NOT the only one who has had this struggle. I have heard many stories from other women about their struggles with motherhood and feelings of isolation and loneliness. Women are experiencing a lack of authentic friendships. There's a disconnect somewhere and it begins with a lack of authenticity. What are we accomplishing by being "perfect" in the eyes of others? How can we expect to really change lives if we're constantly maintaining our spotless self-image? I'm still working on this. Honestly, it's hard for me to even write these blog posts. It's no fun to bring all this back up and publish it for everyone to see. But I do it for the woman who's reading this with tears in her eyes and taking comfort in knowing there's someone out there who has walked a similar path.

Let's be honest, "Supermom" is just a myth (although some of you moms come pretty close!!). She only exists in our imagination. She's a lofty expectation we strive to attain but she always evades us. Let us never forget that we're not called to be perfect, we're called to be authentic. "But [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
(1 Corinthians 12:9)

If you don't get anything else out of my ramblings, please remember this: us moms need each other. Being a mom means being responsible for another human being's physical, mental, and spiritual well being. That's a lot of pressure! We weren't designed to do this alone. We were created to be in community with one another. We should be willing to carry one another's burdens. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2


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