Thursday, July 21, 2011

Confession: I'm perFectly iMperfect

As a recovering perfectionist I am currently struggling with {not} creating the perfect post. So here it goes...I have had the greatest week in a long time since I have realized that I can let go of this idea that I have to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, etc. I'm not completely sure how this happened. I think I finally got really tired of being so hard on myself. It's exhausting being your own critic. I think God is calling me to humility and something greater in Him. I'm finally responding! Then it occurred to me there are most likely LOTS of other women and moms out there feeling isolated and less than perfect. Feeling like they're the only ones tired of being a stay-at-home mom, thinking if they have to see the inside of Walmart one more time they might just lose their mind, thinking if I play with any more play-dough or watch Dora & Diego one more time I'm gonna completely lose it!! If you can't relate, that's great. Just know I'm sincerely happy for you and a little jealous. For me, staying home with two young children is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. (Of course my youngest feels like he should count as two, so it actually feels like there's three.) I have learned just how selfish I can be. Every day is a choice to let go of what I want and focus on these two precious kids and my husband. I have days where I have to force a smile when my oldest asks me to play Candy Land...again. I wonder if it's obvious that I'm having a kind of tantrum of my own when my youngest (he's 2) asks for deedee (his word for drink) for the one MILLIONTH time! I even want to snap at the cat for meowing at me for food when he clearly has a few more crumbs he could be eating in that bowl. So there it is, I'm not the perfect mom. Honesty; it's a beautiful and scary thing. If you can relate to any of this, then take comfort in knowing you're in good company! And take even greater comfort in knowing we serve a God who sympathizes with our weakness (Hebrews 4:15)!!

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